This isn’t how it was supposed to be . . . how I live my life these days, that is.
I wasn’t supposed to be wheelchair-bound, or at best, hobbling about with a cane for support. My plan was to be out and about, driving my electric Mustang Mach-E, seeing friends in the California sunshine, a plan which lasted two months before a serious stroke intervened.
The stroke left me unable to drive and without transportation except for my scooter and, thanks to a very talented physical therapist, a good ability to walk with a cane. I couldn’t cook, shower, or dress myself, or do many other things I had previously enjoyed doing, largely because the right-sided stroke forced me to be one-handed, and at my clumsiest because it’s my left hand.
But I got along just fine – until now, over two years after the stroke.
It turns out the stroke weakened my body in ways that weren’t apparent right away, ways that have put me in the hospital about once a month this year. I’m sure that being 80 years old contributed to these hospitalizations, as did my chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder (COPD), congestive heart failure (CHF), and a bunch of other medical maladies from my past.
There were infections, pneumonias, general weaknesses, some of which have stayed with me, but also staying with me is the breath of life, aided by oxygen generated by a machine in my room.
I am in palliative care now, enjoying life as best I can. But however lousy I feel and, believe me, it goes up and down life keeps me alert and thinking, interested in the political news, the Paris Olympics, and other news of the day. I can also spend time staring out the windows of my beautiful house at the birds cavorting in the olive trees or on the fences, and there are also the bees out there humming away.
And there are books, and web sites to read and learn from, and of course Zoom where I can see friends, go to AA meetings and other gatherings. The point is that even though I am in the midst of my final decline, I’m still alive and can enjoy as much of life as possible – and there’s a lot of it to enjoy.
I had no idea John. Splitting my time between Palm Springs and Aptos, so I’m out of the loop. Thinking about you and wishing you well
John, Despite the medical issues you face, you still have such a positive attitude. You are an inspiration!
I echo the thought about your positive attitude. There can be pleasure in the moment, and I’m glad you have these moments.
Dearest friend John, talking to you was so good, yet so sad, with my bad hearing I couldn’t converse the way I’d hoped to. I’m so glad that you keep positive, that helps so many people stay positive too. You are in my prayers, and remember: GOD lives you, and I love you!
Mr. Dickinson ,
You will always be Mr. Dickinson to me. Even as I approach 60 myself. My favorite client. Always remember you walking into the Mill Valley branch at Citibank with your dog. Always with an interesting story to tell. A loyal client, a smart man . I learned a lot from you. I’m wishing you well as you reflect back on a life well lived.
Love & Respectfully, Mis Kelsey
Another response to “Aftereffects”:
After all that you’ve been dealing with, John, there is no surprise that you continue – as always – to know the secret of dealing with any difficult problem facing you! Just keep looking out that window!
You remain in my thoughts as I continue to deal with Bill’s recent death, coming without distress at a well-lived 85. So may great memories – and windows to leave open…….. Carolyn
Keep up the good fight my friend. RR
John, I’ve had a trying day and I just wiped out an entire note to you. You are with me every day in my heart and I can’t tell you how good it was to see you! Thanks for the photos.
I’m all but illiterate on technology, so I opened my email to find a note from the bank. They put a hold on my account because a rather beefy charge came through….took me HOURS to get it all straightened out.
Recently saw John Grisham on a talk show and recalled how much I always enjoyed his books. I have a number of “great” movies saved, so I decided to start to watch them. I’m really having a great time!!
Made me really appreciate how wonderful and creative people in our generation were. The actors were truly wonderful. We were blessed, John, to have been here during these years.
Well, love, I’ll try to get to you again next week. I love you… Mareli